My Tough Love Is Still Love—Love, God

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. –Hebrews 12:10-11

Is it possible for anyone to like God’s discipline and correction? We certainly don’t enjoy being disciplined by our parents when we’re young. It hurts our feelings and makes us upset. And worse, it makes us even angrier when we know we’re wrong!

But as we get older and gain a more mature view of the world, we can appreciate the discipline our parents gave us, knowing it was for our good. We develop a much more positive view of it when we have our own children and, for the first time, know how much we love the precious little ones God has placed under our care.

Truth alert: When I was single, I didn’t even like babies or children. They always created noise in the restaurants, made everything sticky, messy, and smelly, cried on every flight I took, and seemed to be nothing but little bundles of selfishness and greed. I saw them as pre-human, not yet fit for society, but in process. And until they reached full humanity, they should be kept at home and out of sight.

Then my two daughters were born. When I looked into their eyes for the first time, I was totally transformed—overnight. Enormous love and care instantly flooded into my entire being, and I became a lover not only of my children, but also of everyone else’s children! This love was a huge shock to me.

Then and only then did I fully grasp the whole matter of God’s loving discipline. I loved my daughters so much that I would do anything to build a wall of protection around them and prepare them for life. It became obvious very early that discipline and correction were essential ingredients of their welfare—an experience of most loving parents worldwide. (Ask my daughters about, “Mommy had it!” We still joke about that!)

The way we discipline our children also provides a window into the heart of God. Please note, I am not talking about parental abusive behavior or making your child feel that nothing they do will be good enough. I’m talking about godly discipline. God disciplines us because he loves us so much and wants our very best, in this life and the life to come. Of course, it is painful at times, just as it was when my parents disciplined me when I was a child. Then, I didn’t understand what I do now. God loves us with such an intensity that he refuses to let us stay where we are: greedy, selfish, cranky, hard to live with, prone to wander away, and enticed by all sorts of foolish things that aren’t good for us.

What he has in mind for us is his perfection, a life and a lifestyle that fit his design and lead to joy and fulfillment. Forever! Unfortunately, because of our sin nature, it’s just not going to happen if left to our own devices, no matter how much we think we know better. God’s discipline hurts him more than it hurts us!

The prophet Isaiah reminds us, “In all their affliction he was afflicted, and the angel of his presence saved them; in his love and in his pity he redeemed them” (Isaiah 63:9). God is not a cold, distant parent, he deeply feels our emotional pain and promises to be with us, guiding us to our final, joyful destination. That is the reason for Jesus’ suffering on the cross and why he can boldly proclaim, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). Jesus provides the exodus out of our mess into his eternal Kingdom.

Also, believers don’t need to soft-pedal experiences of profound grief or pain, pretending that it hurts less than it does—a testament to their faith. Faith isn’t pretending things are other than what they are. Even though on this earth our suffering purifies us, it doesn’t necessarily hurt any less when we know it has a purpose and goal. But it does mean that, as much as it hurts, it has a meaningful end, and that the glory and pleasure of the end far outweigh this period of discipline and purification. There really is a doctrine of “Purgatory” (purging) in the New Testament, but it’s something that occurs before death, not after. We’re actually there right now. Welcome to Purgatory!

Finally, can we really be thankful for discipline? We can if we get the point. When we see in the pain of it the seriousness of our heavenly Father’s love and intent to get us into his good will and plan, and ultimately into his eternal kingdom, it can become something we’re able to celebrate and give thanks for even when it hurts.